you're too young to be stuck in that cage you call a life.
you're too young to be scared.
you're too young to as cautious as you are.

Listen! Take a chance.Be bold,be something,say something. LOVE!

your middle name is always

RAGE!



i'm not going to cry.
i'm not going to be mad.
i'm not going to be bitter.
i'm going to be grateful, & calmly thank you.

the last word,

i just can't get you to see what i see. Maybe you're just a lost cause.


the right thing to do is to walk away.

but the things is,i'm not into the idea of being without you,and i'm not into the idea of living without you,cliche and all.

it's just that something...

In my group of friends, I’ve always been the cynic. The realistic one. No dreaming for me, no sireee. I’ve never loved anyone fully, always one foot on the ground. I’ve watched my contemporaries drift through relationship after relationship, observing from afar, hoping and praying that I don’t make the same mistakes, all the while having the biggest mistake I’ve ever made hiding in the back of my mind. But this time, I’ve fallen in too deep. This is something I can’t swim away from, no matter how hard I try. I’m drowning in it. The waves of time crash against me, and I have only my will for an anchor.

I know the warning signs, I know the risks. I’m not handing my heart over on a silver platter. Not Never again.

just about sums it all up,

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive your car
I hate it when you stare

I hate your stupid taped up shoes
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you don't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

realizations.

so this morning,i lay in my bed & it finally hit me that i'm finally a senior. i've been waiting for this moment for so long. And then i thought about how different things and people are compared to my first year of high school,especially myself.

let's see...
what separates the freshman from the senior :


*i'm a more loving person
*i'm more optimistic
*i'm a tad bit more outgoing
*my cousin would introduce me to a girl named maryjane
*i've spent the last three years of my life stupidly going back and forth between two boys
*i'd go back on my word and give d.m. more chances
*that i'd fall for someone who i thought was so amazingly wonderful and fit almost perfectly with me
*who knew that said person would be my best friend
*that i've lost touch with one of the girls i once considered my good friend and who i've known since the 4th grade
*i would come to see sex as simply a physical thing,not a "connection" between 2 people
*i'm finally comfortable in my own skin
*i'd STILL be so indecisive
*that finally my report card was finally close to a 4.0
*i'd have a job,and i'd LOVVEEEEEE that job
*i'd get alot closer to certain family members
*i'd have stupid,insignificant girls hate me simply b/c i've dated a boy they like/liked
*i'd get high for the first time,and show up to school under said influence

lucky number seven

Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.

Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

dear miss alice,

i've been fooled. i find myself running backwards to protect my own heart.it was only a few weeks ago that i found myself spinning in porcelain tea cups. What have i allowed myself to do? i refuse to play games with my heart. i REFUSE. i've always been in charge in all situations,is now the time i step back? do i give him the benefit of the doubt? assumptions haven't gotten me far. he's become sneakier than the chesire cat, & i feel tiny in this grand scheme of things. we're running out of time,he's running out of time. he's been running out of time. it's no use chasing after something i'm not ever going to get back.
i've given up on my idea of a wonderland.

when people act of emotions, i understand.
it's easier to spin out of control when everything else around you doesn't fall into place.
but then again, who's life is all put together?
it just may seem like that.

take your love of money,your love of this run down society,take the people who don't even know who you are,take your love of plastic perfection,take your love of people's opinions.
take it,and stick back in that thing you call a heart.
i don't even know who you are anymore.
so take the money and watch it burn
watch it as it all goes up in flames
Until you realize what you got to learn
you'll make the same mistake over and over again

PLEASE

i showed you a world i've spent my life keeping a lock on,and for what?


please,write away your negatives,your lies,your games.
return to me clean slated.
return to the time where we were as easy and natural as breathing.

i have a problem. I feel like we're on a rollercoaster,one i'm forever trapped in. sometimes i feel like i'm just in your way. i have the most irrational fears. i need something new,i need the fresh air,i need to be able to breathe again. what we have is not a blissful thing. everything is getting old, and nothing that is new is in my reach anymore. i have more insecurities than the stars,my insecurities could eat me alive,& believe me,they are doing a good job...

i've never seen someone try so hard to shut someone out. just stop. i can't breathe in your pool of lies. do you have any idea? how deep can you dig your hole? doesn't matter,it's always gonna be there. you can try and try and try,but its STILL THERE. i wanna be the light in your darkness. you're throwing away every good thing thats come to your side. just let it be. you've said its made you the person you are today. so let it be. let it continue to make you a better person,and don't let the hole suffocate you and cloud your view.

!

just when i say i'm done,& i know what i want,& it isn't you,i change my mind.i don't see your face often,i don't feel your arms around me the way i used to.i miss you,more than i let myself acknowledge,more than i want to,more than i should.all i have to do is see your face,enclose my self in your arms,listen to your heartbeat,& feel you inhale,then exhale,& the world stops.i forget everything i've ever said,every bitter emotion i've ever felt.and it's just you and me again...

reflections.

mhmmm
thinkthinkthink.