one day,
i'll let him inside my labyrinth of a mind. he'll see how he goes in and out of it,all the time. how the blood flows from my brain through my veins,flows through all my imperfections and into my heart. he has the key;someone else could imitate it,but never duplicate it. i hate this feeling.i think he's perfect. maybe some day he'll see,...and someday he might also might find another stupid insignificant member of the female species who can get her dirty,unworthy paws on him,& there's nothing i can do about it.
why? cause he's everything I need him to be,except mine.

the

mirror is my nemesis.

open

y o u r e y e s !

you just don't see it.

sweet dream or beautiful nightmare?

it was as close to perfection as i've ever gotten.
you were standing right in front of me & you said those three little words that i thought i'd never hear...
"i love you".
i laughed and looked away,not believing,thinking this is too good to be true.
you grabbed my shoulders,looked me in the eyes and said "no steff,i really love you. i have all along".
you started to lean ever so slowly towards me,and then...



i woke up.






dreams are not as fun when they have no chance of coming true.

some days i wake up feeling that i don't need you,thinking about how much simpler my life would be if it wasn't for you.

other days i wake up not knowing where i'd be without you,feeling like i'd die if you weren't near.


it's a constant pull of opposites,& i know you feel it too.



one day it's heaven,one day it's hell.


is this right?
is this the way its supposed to be?

i've realized i'm a very secretive person.
and thats seen only as a bad thing to most people.
sure,i don't keep opinions to myself,i tell you how it is.
one of the perks of being a girl who doesn't care what the world thinks.
but when it comes down to it,i still have my walls.
i just need someone to tell me to open up,to get through inside my mind,
to tell ME how it is for once.

summerlovin'

i don't understand this mess of emotions i'm in. i was doing soooo well,being happy. summer always ruins things for me,or do i ruin things for myself? there's a funny thing about me,& i know it all too well. i can understand and analyze and predict the exact outcome of my crazy,self-destructive behavior,and go ahead and do it anyways. it's called pre-mediation,and it causes people to go to jail for their whole lives,as opposed to a couple of years.

f.y.i.

i don't care when you're leaving,or how far away you're going to be from me,or even if the next time i see you will be the last in a really long time...



no matter what happens,i am NOT saying goodbye.

?????

E-ste-fa-ni-a noun

definition of the word: a girl that has intense feelings of attraction for a boy named ______

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i'm a hopeless romantic who thinks romance is hopeless

I hate sounding like those desperately weak girls who walk around shouting to the whole world who they think their "perfect boy" is. Typical girl things are unappealing to me. The whole love game nonsense,not for me. The whole "talking" stage,not my cup of tea. Why can't it be like old times,where you look someone in the eyes,without saying a single world,and realizing you've found the one person who was fated for you? Where it's okay to say "yes it's true do people fall in love,people do belong together" Where you once had the reassurance although it's always going to be hard,never easy,it was okay,because you had each other and it was the only shot we have at happiness. I've come to the conclusion that I spend a whole lot of time dreaming and fussing about a certain member of the opposite sex. i know it's not going anywhere,but for some reason i have a flicker of hope. I'm surprised no one's slapped me awake and told me to shut up about him already. ahhhh i don't even know where i'm going with this !
i'm alone,cos he's there but completely out of my reach.
although i'm still loved,
is that enough?

:)

Life is about trusting our feelings & taking chances,losing and finding happiness,appreciating the memories and learning from the past.

you're too young to be stuck in that cage you call a life.
you're too young to be scared.
you're too young to as cautious as you are.

Listen! Take a chance.Be bold,be something,say something. LOVE!

your middle name is always

RAGE!



i'm not going to cry.
i'm not going to be mad.
i'm not going to be bitter.
i'm going to be grateful, & calmly thank you.

the last word,

i just can't get you to see what i see. Maybe you're just a lost cause.


the right thing to do is to walk away.

but the things is,i'm not into the idea of being without you,and i'm not into the idea of living without you,cliche and all.